Managing Your Day: Taking Control of Your Time

My days sometimes seem like a race with no finish line. The starting gun goes off at 6 AM to get my kids up for school, make breakfast, pack lunches and get them out the door for three different schools. My last kid doesn't leave until I drop him at 8:30. So my day often feels like it doesn't start until they are all gone (around 9 am if I include my husband). Then work from 9-4:15PM (which never feels like enough time). School pick ups from 4:15-5:30. Do a little cleaning and make dinner to eat around 7-7:30. Dinner clean up usually takes until 8PM and we take a few minutes at the dinner table to have a short devotional. We usually spend a half hour with the family to relax and then kids have to go to bed. Evening is laundry and catching up on work stuff. And somewhere in there I am supposed to have a quiet time, read books, exercise, shower (because that was not in the daily schedule!) and all of the things that I feel that I should be doing but don't have time for.

I am not writing this to say "I have arrived and I know the answers!" but more to say it's a continual process of reminding myself of my priorities. There are constant demands on our time. Often from good things, not even doom scrolling on social media! So here are a few lessons that I have learned along the way.

1. Make your goals bite size - cleaning, or learning something new doesn't fit into my schedule if it takes more than 5-10 minutes. So I habit stack small things. Listening to a podcast on building a business when I'm picking up my kids. Reading a few pages before bed. Starting a load of laundry before I start work and transfer the laundry at lunch.

2. Ask for help (delegate) - I'm the worst at trying to do it all. Over time, I have gotten better at giving my kids real responsibilities, or directing my kids to my husband if I'm doing something else. It's been a learning experience that it takes intentional delegation and training before they do it independently or even do it well. But when they get there, then you have a task that you aren't responsible for!

3. Take breaks and set time limits - I am really good at focusing for long periods of time on something. Often to the point that at the end of the day I feel brain dead. Now, when I finish a big task, instead of starting a new one right away, I take a few minutes to rest my brain. I get up and get water, pick up a few things around the house, get some tea, etc. 

4. Take time to listen - I am very action oriented and want to get things done quickly so I can move on. But I have found that if I take time to listen to God, my husband, my staff or my kids, I am able to get more done than I thought possible. I think the understanding helps me to get things done more efficiently.

5. Build community - We moved last year and have had to rebuild all of our community from the ground up. I left behind my closest friends when we moved away and for almost a year, I didn't want to make any new friends where I am now. They just didn't measure up to the people I left behind! But I know that my whole family benefits when we have resources and a community of like minded people in our lives. So we have found a church and joined a small group. It has been SUCH a blessing of like minded people who have already supported us in multiple ways.

6. Treasure the time with your kids - I adore my children. They take so much of my time and energy. But the joy that I get from seeing them grow and flourish can NOT be replaced. I want to cherish every moment that I have with them before they move out. Which means I am choosing to not push into other things. I have not pushed hard at work, or tried to scale aggressively. I have not started new hobbies. I have not gone out and done lots of fun things or trips that would take me away from them.

7. Find a partner/coach - This does not mean that I mean pay someone, although I do know some amazing coaches that I can recommend! But more that you need someone who knows your life goals, who is encouraging and can remind you to stay on task and gets excited to discuss ideas with you. I have two people in my life that do that for me. My sister for my business and my best friend for my home, kids and marriage.

8. Accept criticism - My favorite people in life are ones who look at my life and say "you need to stop doing that." Because they are usually right. And I was blind to it before. They often see where I've extended myself too far, and their "criticism" is coming from a place of love. Sometimes it feels painful because what they are pointing out might make me feel like there is no way I could let that thing go. But when I do, I feel so much happier and healthier. My ability to grow has been directly correlated to when I have listened to the feedback of others.

9. Set boundaries - This was a hard lesson for me. I used to be warm and accepting of everyone and everything. I wanted to carry every burden. I ended up broken and had to take several years where I did nothing but take care of myself and my kids. There was also a time when I thought about ending my life. All because I was carrying too much. Now, I say no more often than I say yes. I also stop and ask "what do I have to say no to in order to say yes to this."

10. Find your mission - This can be simple. I heard it once from the perspective of a business owner. Once you don't need to make money any more, would you keep doing the job? I think this applies to any part of your life. If you never host, does your house turn into a disaster? Do you discipline your kids even if no one is around? When we find the "why" for what we do, then we will do it even when no one is looking. Divorcing myself from others expectations, and choosing to do it because it's who I am, or it's what I believe in, means that I am taking ownership of the process. It also means that I can set bigger and bigger goals for myself and reach them!