Suffer Now to Gain Later

Moms, have you ever wondered how those other women do it all? How they have the perfect house, the perfect kids, AND they shower AND look gorgeous? Well, meet my friend Elissa Hyde, she has been my inspiration and teacher in everything home management. I asked her to write down her secret sauce so we could share the wealth. Spoiler alert! It's a lot of hard work. :)

From Elissa:   

"My life motto is: suffer now to gain later. This principle has served me well in many areas, including parenting and running an efficient household.

Too often we don't give our kids enough credit. We do things for them that they could do for themselves. Though this may seem faster, more efficient, or more “helpful,” we are actually pushing off their development in those areas, depriving them of independence and accomplishment. Children are smart and capable, and when treated that way, they will rise to the challenge. Take the time to teach your toddler to put away his own toys, make his bed every morning, clean his own messes, etc. Yes, it will take longer (suffer now), but will serve you both better in the long run (gain later). A confident child is a capable child with clear boundaries and loving parents who guide him; one who knows they can be independent, responsible, and accomplish things, as well as have clear standards and expectations. 

            Take the time to train children, and be patient with them as they learn and develop. It is so easy to pick up the toy ourselves. It takes less time and effort, and we could even call it “caring” for our child. But teaching your child to put their own toys away develops habits, abilities, and mindsets that will help your child and your household thrive. Equipping children is caring for them. 

            The behaviors and standards you accept will be the behaviors and standards you get. Kids instinctively park themselves right by the boundaries, sometimes pushing them, so having clear expectations is important for their security and development. Too many options or no boundaries at all can leave a child feeling insecure. Combining the security of healthy boundaries with the capability built from responsibility and accomplishment builds well-rounded, confident, and secure members of the family.

            Each member of the family is vital. This is no mere cliché; this should be true in a well running household. Stop and think about each member in your home. Is each needed for the house to run as it does? If not, it could be an indicator that you need to give some members more responsibility. Each member should know, at a deep level, they are a necessary part of the family unit. This combats selfishness, enhances confidence, and fosters a deep sense of belonging.

            The above are all big picture ideas and methods to develop a foundation of independence in your children and an efficient running household. Here are a few additional “suffer now to gain later” tidbits to help with the daily tasks:

First, never put anything down, put it away. Take that little extra time to put something away (suffer now), and nothing ever piles up (gain later). Give every item a “home,” or proper place to be stored and return it there when not in use. Don't leave shoes by the door - place them in a closet or dedicated shoe bin. Don’t leave dishes on the counter or in the sink - rinse and put them in the dishwasher. Hang the clothes up, put the keys on the rack, put the dog leash back on the hook... you get the idea. Never simply put it down, put it away. Instill, teach, and expect that from your kids too.

            It is also helpful to divvy up duties amongst each family member. Assigning specific tasks to specific family members is incredibly helpful. Has a task been neglected? You don't need to spend time questioning each child to find out who didn't wash the dishes. You know who is responsible for that task and can deal with it swiftly. This too can foster the ownership and the sense of belonging mentioned above.

            Also, never say yes to your child until their family responsibilities / chores and previous tasks have been completed. My kids won't even ask to go to the park or play with friends until they check around the house to make sure all of their things are put away and their specific community duties are done. Why? Because they know I’ll ask. They know what is expected of them. In the same way, lead them by example, and never leave your house or go to bed without making sure everything is tidy.

            Every household is different and will find particular tasks more or less challenging, but pursuing organization and order while instituting healthy boundaries and responsibilities will help to provide the peace, clarity, and unity that we all desire and need. I encourage you to push past the fatigue and, let’s be honest, laziness, we all sometimes feel, to suffer now for the great gain that will come later."